15 questions to ask your family at Thanksgiving

Somewhere between the turkey and the pie there is usually a quiet minute. These are for that minute — the questions that get a grandparent talking, and that nobody thinks to ask until it is too late to.

1. 1

   What did Thanksgiving look like when you were a child?

   Who hosted, who carved, and where the children sat.

2. 2

   Which dish has been on this table the longest, and who made it first?

   Every family has one recipe that is older than anyone remembers.

3. 3

   What is the first meal you remember cooking by yourself?

   It usually went wrong, which is why it is a good story.

4. 4

   Where did our family live before here, and why did they leave?

   The answer is often a whole chapter nobody has written down.

5. 5

   Who in the family was the best storyteller, and what story did they always tell?

   Ask them to tell it the way that person did.

6. 6

   What did your parents do for work, and what did that look like day to day?

   Not the job title — the early mornings and the commute.

7. 7

   What was your first home like? Walk me through the front door.

   Room by room brings back details a summary never does.

8. 8

   How did you meet the person you married, or the people who became your family?

   Everyone at the table has heard a version. Get the full one.

9. 9

   What is something your grandparents did that nobody does any more?

   Chores, customs, the way they spoke.

10. 10

    What is the hardest year you remember, and what got you through it?

    Let them choose how much to say. Listen more than you ask.

11. 11

    What were you sure about at twenty that turned out to be wrong?

    A good one to ask the youngest adult at the table too.

12. 12

    Which family photograph would you save first, and what is happening in it?

    Then go and find it after dinner.

13. 13

    What is a saying or a word that only our family uses?

    Write down exactly how it is said.

14. 14

    Who has a name we should know but have never heard?

    Great-aunts, neighbours, the friend who was practically family.

15. 15

    What do you hope the grandchildren remember about you?

    Best asked last, and best answered with no one rushing to clear the plates.